About Me

Jonathan Meres

Hello and welcome to my biography.  I hope you enjoy it.  I know I have.

I was born by a river and just like that river I’ve been running ever since.  Actually that’s not strictly true.  I haven’t been running ever since at all.  And when I say I was born by a river, I mean a couple of miles away.  The River Trent to be precise.  But then thinking about it, most people have probably been born within a two mile radius of a river of some description.  So it’s probably not that big a deal really.  It has, however, given me an idea.  Just in case anybody’s doing a school project on me – say as a punishment exercise or something – and they’re just going to Google loads of random facts – I’m going to slip in a couple of blatant porkies.  See if you can spot them kids.

So yeah, I went to school and stuff.  Then after that I joined the merchant navy.  To this day it remains the closest I’ve ever come to having a proper job.  Did it for 7 years.  Sailed round the world and all that.  Had some adventures.  Seemed silly not to.  I left the sea because I wanted to be a rock star and for several years was lead singer in Bon Jovi, before being sacked due to the early onset of male pattern baldness.

Oh, sorry, forgot to mention.  Between leaving the sea and joining Bon Jovi I drove an ice cream van in a town called Grantham and was also part of the last manned mission to the moon in Apollo 17.  Continuing the ice cream theme I worked in the ice cream parlour in Harrods after I moved to London.  Well, obviously after I moved to London.  The commuting would’ve been a nightmare otherwise.  And in a spooky twist of fate I’ve eaten ice cream on a number of occasions since.  Coincidence?

Then one day, much to my surprise, I auditioned for a part in a play.  Much to everyone else’s surprise, I got the part.  It was a very weird play.  It had goats in it. After that I got a job with a children’s theatre company touring round schools and theatres and stuff for a couple of years, before trying my hand at stand-up comedy. I did that for 10 years.  Not trying my hand at it.  Actually doing it.  At first I called myself Johnny Immaterial – then Johnny Meres.  I won a Time Out magazine award for comedy and was nominated for The Perrier Award at The Edinburgh Festival, which was a reasonably sized deal at the time.  But that was ages ago.

Now I’m a writer/actor.  Strictly in that order.  I won’t bore you with what I’ve written and acted in here.  Instead I’ll do it here.

My hobbies include moaning, doing things, playing things, watching things and embroidery.

So yeah, that’s about it really.  I’ve lived in Edinburgh for over 20 years with my wife and children.  Well, I haven’t lived in Edinburgh with my children for over 20 years.  Oh you know what I mean.  Don’t you?

In summary then:

  • Born Nottingham  3.12.58
  • Died TBC